Alchemy is taking a rest on Etsy

Maybe it needs a FreakyOldWoman sleep mask.

Announced January 27th, Etsy put Alchemy down for a nap beginning February 3.

According to the Etsy Blog article, Alchemy had enabled 80,000 custom creations since its inception. Alchemy allowed buyers to request a custom item, take bids from different sellers, and then choose a seller to make their special request. This is what Etsy is all about for me, buyers and sellers connecting on a personal level to realize a creative vision.

Alchemy was also the backbone of a lot of sellers' business. They bid and built relationships with customers through the Alchemy process. It was an ideal way for sellers to be seen. The Alchemy screen also provided a photo board of completed projects. Browsing shoppers could click those pictures and be taken to the seller's shop.

With wedding season heating up, many brides used Alchemy. Lots of shoppers used it because they couldn't find what they wanted with Etsy's less than stellar search.

This action hurt buyers and sellers, while wiping out one of the best ways for them to connect on a personal level. Once again, can I point out that the language ("taking a rest" and "it needs its beauty sleep") is both condescending and unprofessional.

Etsy's blog article goes on to say, "We love what Alchemy represents, and we want to do it even better." The article offers no details for these improvements, and no date for waking up Alchemy. The article also doesn't explain why Alchemy couldn't remain up and functioning while the tech team works on the improvements.

Many Etsy members doubt that it will ever return. Sad.

R U Serious, Etsy? AKA Candyheartgate

Etsy is making my job too easy.

In what could graciously be called a marketing misstep, Etsy published an article on their blog Monday titled "Found Objects: Candy Hearts." Written by Andrea Siegel, who apparently doesn't have an Etsy account, the article is a skewed and sarcastic look at the sweet Valentine treat. Ellison, in fact, likens the candy to prison tattoos.

She goes on to discuss the grade school custom of exchanging the hearts from schoolmates as "opening an emotionally masturbatory dialogue with you in their minds as they drizzled come-ons into your envelope." From there, she discusses the mental instability of her fifth grade stalker with his "warm, gamey pockets" and his "pungent home." A boy she wouldn't have even "borrowed a chewed-up pencil from."

Where do I begin?

Let's start with the fifth grade masturbatory come-ons drizzling, shall we? For a corporation that has become increasingly prudish about mature listings and forum decorum over that past six months, that's a fairly sleazy string of metaphors there. If Etsy members are as up in arms as they seem to be about seeing a discrete photo of pair of silk underpants on the front page, what must they think of this obviously disturbing language? I am no prude, but fifth grade deviant candy sexuality is a pretty heavy topic for a supposedly light-hearted public corporate blog.

Also disturbing is the superior attitude of the author to this imagined fifth grade paramore. The absolute tone of disdain is almost more upsetting than the drizzling. It's a mean-hearted point of view for a romantic holiday, don't you think? The heart giver is so beneath the writer that she wouldn't even touch is pencil? Sometimes a pencil is just a pencil, after all.

Furthermore, this article was accompanied by hipster hearts art, as seen above, making light of asking if someone is gay or has herpes. Again, fairly hypocritical from Etsy when they recently banned a line of humorous greeting cards for addressing similar topics in a supposedly wry manner. Those cards, whether you liked them or not, were at least not featured as a topic,
not only approved by, but published by, Etsy itself.

It's not necessarily the topic itself, but the disingenuous duplicity of Etsy that bothers me here. How about an article on homemade Valentine traditions? Victorian Valentine ephemera and how to upcycle it? Eros? Cupid? Frank Sinatra?

And there's a link to Valentine's candy on Etsy at the close of this article? Nasty.

Etsy, I'm so Not Into U right now.